Friday, May 20, 2011

Replacing English - a joke I hope!

This has done the rounds before but is it not a bit creepier still today?

Absolutely Brilliant
The European Commission has just
announced an agreement whereby
English will be the official language
of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British
Government conceded that English spelling
had some room for improvement and has
accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would
become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c".
Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants
jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped
in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion,
and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the
sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be
replaced with "f". This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new
spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage
where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of
double letters which have always ben a
deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the
silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it
should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps
such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be
dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz
fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun
vil find it ezi TU understand ech oza. Ze drem
of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking
German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.


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